I’ve been reflecting a lot this week and I realized that
being here feels like I’m assuming a completely different identity. I mean, yes of course I am the same person
with a lot of the same beliefs, thoughts, feelings, etc. but in many other ways
I feel brand new. It’s almost like I’m
an actor in a movie. It honestly doesn’t
feel real. I now live in northern Thailand and
I’m a teacher for a living. Me? Someone with no teaching experience and not
that much traveling experience for that matter is now a teacher…in Thailand! You may think “well duh” but honestly at
times it still shocks me that I’m actually living and working in a foreign
country. I think and pay in Baht and I
eat food spicy enough to melt glaciers. I
shop at the Thai versions of Walmart, aka Big C and Tesco Lotus. I stop in my tracks to observe the King’s
song at school twice a day (and before movies at the theater) and I hear Thai
spoken around me more than English. I
see beautiful lanterns in the sky all night every night that people light for I
assume although not sure: good luck, pay their respects to Buddha, as a wish or
prayer. I wai (the Thai bow and greeting)
teachers and people in town probably hundreds of times a week while using one
of the only phrases I know “sawadee ka”. Daily stops to 7-11 and eating soup every
single day when it’s 80 degrees outside are my new normal.
I haven’t been homesick much at all and I think the reason
for that is that I’m just using my energy to adjust to my new life. I’m trying to find my new normal and my new
routine. I’m trying to make sense of how
I fit in here when in reality I just don’t and probably won’t. That doesn’t mean that I’m not greeted with a
warm welcome virtually everywhere I go, it’s just more of a realization that I
truly am an outsider here.
I do already feel changed by this experience in ways I can’t
even really put into words. I’m being
challenged and pushed, somewhat violently on certain days, out of my comfort
zone. And the funny thing is I LOVE
IT! I think humans can be such creatures
of habit, myself included, as it’s so easy to go for what is easy and
predictable. Some days after a
particularly exhausting teaching day, I want to retreat in my apartment all
night with my computer and avoid all stares and any effort in ordering
food. But I usually am able to make
myself go out to eat in town with the hope of making new friends or seeing
something exciting or strange.
One thing that I love about Thailand is there is somewhat of an
“anything goes” mentality in certain contexts.
Of course there are many social and cultural rules but you can also
haggle almost anywhere you shop- even the malls, driving motorbikes while
holding a newborn baby sans helmets is perfectly acceptable, lady boy waiters
serve you dinner at your local restaurant without being gawked at and people
set off fireworks left and right in public areas with not so much as a second
thought from public authorities. This is
my new life.
Ronald McDonald wai-ing.
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